We welcome to Heaven Sacco and Vanzetti,
Two men that have won the highest of seats.
Come let me show you the world that you've come through.
It's a funny, old world, and I'm sure you'll admit.
If you wear rags on Earth, you're a hobo;
If you wear satin, they call you a thief.
If you save money, they call you a miser,
And if you spend money, you'll go on relief.
If you work hard, they'll say you are lowly;
If you're a loafer, of course, you're no good.
If you stay sober, you're known as a sissy,
And if you drink liquor, it goes to your head.
If you are fat, they will call you a glutton;
If you stay skinny, they call you a runt.
If you laugh, they'll call you an idiot,
And if you cry, they will ask you to stop.
If you chase women, they call you a wolfer;
If you don't chase them, they call you afraid.
If you chase men, they'll call you downtrodden,
And if you don't chase them, they call you old maid.
If you eat your meat fried, they'll tell you to boil it.
Then, if you boil it, they'll say it should broil.
If you don't eat meat, and you eat only green things,
They'll ask you what's wrong with the brain in your skull.
If you work for wages, you support the rich capitalist;
If you don't work, you're a lumpen to them.
If you play the gamble, of course, you're a gambler,
And if you don't gamble, you never do win.
If you stay poor, nobody comes courting,
And if you get rich, you can't find a mate.
If you get married, you're wrecking your happiness,
And if you stay single, you walk to your grave.
If you die in your cradle, it's a sad misfortune;
If you live to old age, it's harder and worse.
If you've read the papers, you know it is many
Who take their own lives when they empty their purse.
There's traders and trappers and shippers and hopers:
Sacco and Vanzetti in America's fair land.
There's hoppers and croppers and robbers and dopers
And millions of folks with just two empty hands.
You come the straight road, Sacco and Vanzetti.
You fought with the Lord on his most private ground.
He hired his courts and his babblers against you,
But I'm here to say, "You went up and not down."
So, it's welcome to Heaven, Sacco and Vanzetti.
Be glad that you're through with that old, planet, Earth.
But we've got some speculators right here in Glory
That need chasing out, so I must go to work.
It's a funny, old world, Sacco and Vanzetti.
It's a funny, old world for me and for you.
I'd say that this world is so awful funny.
It's the funniest world I've ever lived through.