Chain Store Daisy (Harold Rome)

“Chain Store Daisy” Sheet Music (pdf).
“Chain Store Daisy” Karaoke (midi with lyrics).

Lyrics: Harold Rome.
Tune: Harold Rome.

When I was young, I studied hard and thirsted after knowledge
And often burned the midnight oil so I could go to college.
They told me my fine education would help improve my situation.
So then I crammed and crammed till I was almost in a coma
And thesised and examed until I got me a diploma.
“Aha,” they said, “now comes admission into a very high position.”
Out I went and looked around,
And Macy’s is the place I found.
I filled my blanks and application
And went for my examination.
They took my weight and took my height
And tapped my chest and tested my sight,
Examined my head, took prints of my toes,
Looked at my teeth and up my nose,
Examined my throat and measured my hips,
And even took prints of my finger tips.
They made me say “ah,” and told me to grunt,
Examined my back, examined my front.
Then they tested my I.Q.
And asked what I’d like to do.
And when that exam was through,
What there was to know, Macy’s knew.

[spoken] So I got the job.

[sung] Life is a bitter cup of tea.
Now, I’m just Sales Girl Seventy-Three.
I used to be on the daisy chain;
Now, I’m a chain store daisy.
Once they gave me the honor seat;
Now, I stand up with pains in my feet.
I used to be on the daisy chain;
Now, shoppers drive me crazy.
I sell smart but thrifty corsets at Three-Fifty.
Better grade, Four-Sixty-nine.
I sell bras and girdles
For Maudes and Myrtles
To hold in their plump
Behind this counter.
Once I wrote poems put folks in tears;
Now, I write checks for ladies’ brassieres.
I used to be on the daisy chain;
Now, I’m a chain store daisy.

[spoken] Oh, yes, madam. Oh, no, madam.
I guess, madam. That’s so, madam.
Of course, madam. That’s the very best:
Exactly the kind that’s worn by Mae West.
For you, madam. We do, madam.
That’s true, madam. In blue, madam.
That one is Nineteen Seventy-Four.
It ought to be expensive: it’s the largest in the store!

[sung] Once I had a yearning for all higher learning:
Studied till I made the grade.
I pursued my knowledge and finished college.
Well, look at the kind of grade I made!
I’m now selling things to fit the figure:

[spoken] Make the big things small
And the small things bigger.

[sung] I used to be on the daisy chain;
Now, I’m a chain store daisy.

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