Cal-Lib-Song

“Cal-Lib-Song” Sheet Music (pdf).
“Cal-Lib-Song” Karaoke (midi with lyrics).

Lyrics: Annette Kirk.
Tune: Annette Kirk.


Since I was a tiny tot, mama taught me quite a lot:
How to look, how to sew and cook, and of course, how to get a man.

My mama tell me.

Mama read the magazine, watch the color TV screen.
Each advertiser made her wiser at how to get a man.

My mama tell me.

“Don’t show too much common sense. I know from experience.
Use your head at the stove and bed, and you’ll surely get a man.”

My mama tell me.

“Stay slender like sugarcane: eat no chocolate and no chow mein.
False eyelashes and perfume splashes will help you get a man.”

My mama tell me.

Soon, I went on my first date: golly, but I could not wait!
Mama gave me every recipe for how to get a man.

My mama tell me.

“Go gargle with Listerine; take a bath in Mr. Clean.
Lift your dress up and spray FSD up, and that’s how to get a man.”

My mama tell me.

“Don’t you tippy-toe down the stairs ’til you clip your nose’s hairs;
Shave your armpits and make them charm-pits. That’s how to get a man.”

My mama tell me.

“Cover up with acnomel, store-bought hair made of dynel.
Lots of bother, but ask your father: that’s how I got a man.”

My mama tell me.

“Finally, a man I got. He eat a lot, and he drink a lot.
Got big belly and kind of smelly, but still it is a man.”

My mama tell me.

“I make for him chocolate cake; half a grapefruit myself I take.
He get fatter, and I get flatter, but still I got a man.”

But I am thinking.

I am tired now of shaving, and for chocolate I’m craving.
Liberation flag is waving. Got to change my plan.

I tell my mama:

“When a man for me does fall, he will love me, hair and all.
He’ll admire though I perspire, and that will be my man.
Hey! That will be my man!”


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